Brady...Birthday Five.
Dearest BritchBox...
I will begin with why we call you that silly name...honestly, I have NO idea. Your daddy always nicknamed all of you when you were very, very little. So, you can thank him when I bring up your baby nickname at your highschool graduation, ok?
You started as a hope, a dream, a wish that I could have a living baby again. I dared to hope that you would be the "boy who lived." Yes, that is a Harry Potter reference. Honestly, the majority of the time I you lived inside me, I was pretty darn sure that I was doing you more harm than good. That's what I believed about my body because of your big sister's death. But, through all of the scares, the doctor's appointments, and the stupid things people said...you came...too small for this world and not quite ready for it, but you were here and you were alive. Your little heart beat and beat and beat. And that's all I cared about. I remember the NICU team being there, waiting for you to arrive, I remember them wisking you away VERY quickly because you didn't want to breathe. I remember only being relieved. Relieved because you were alive. And, just so you know, you were a beautiful baby. I didn't get to touch you for 24 hours. I hope you don't remember those hours, somewhere deep in your psyche. Know that I sat outside your incubator, hoping on hope and every thing I could think of, that you would be okay. There were so many people hoping the same thing. Your brothers came to see you, your dad was always there, your grandparents, and your Auntie CoCo, my rock in the midst of all of it. Your Auntie Britty worried more than she will ever let on and you were held, without the help of hands or arms, in so many people's thoughts.
Now you are five. It is so hard to believe. I see you become the person you will be...a precocious, intelligent, attractive, charismatic boy. I watch you grow up (literally) and grow up mentally -- as you continue to amaze me with your intelligence. Things come easy to you, Brady darling, that doesn't mean that everything is easy. Some things are hard, but they are worth doing.
I feel like I should apologize for all you have been through in the past few years. It has been a rough roller coaster to ride and I wish SO much that I could have taken you off of it. I hope it will make you a better man, a better partner, a better person. I hope you will always know that your Mommy loves you more than she loves herself.
Honey, be thankful for your brothers and even for your sister in heaven. They are closer to you (in DNA) and in thought than anyone will ever be. If you learn anything from me, learn that your siblings are your lifeline through life's most difficult challenges.
You will always be my magic miracle, my child who sparkles. No matter how much you have been through at such a young age, I know that you will always be my happy Brady. My snuggle kid, the little one who gives me kisses when I need them most. I vow to always put you and your brothers first, because, frankly, you came first.
Life will change and you will learn that Mommy will make mistakes. I'm sorry. But I love you, unconditionally and forever.
