because my Robbie came out tonight after being in bed for an hour and asked me to read something he had written. This is what he wrote:
My sister, If she were...
My sister died at birth. Her name is Lily. I wish I could see her everyday, oh how much I would pay. To see her one time would be as if she were alive. I wish she was alive, now and everyday. I would be the best big brother of them all. If she were here by my side, oh I'd love her till I die and see her for the first time. I wonder how pretty she will be when I see her for the first time. If she were there sleeping by the moon, I would stay up staring at that beautiful moon. I wish I could talk to her for every second of everyday. I only do everything I do for her, like being smart: I always thought she would be in the high ability classes. Being athletic: I though she would LOVE basketball, and I made the B team. Last but not least, being caring. I thought she would be the shoulder to cry on. You might say it was hardest on my mom and dad, then you should feel the hurt of two brothers and a dyingly much wanted sister. By Robbie Harris. For Lily Victoria Harris. I love you. The End.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
My most treasured possession....
It's difficult to pick your most treasured possession...and I still am not sure I got it right. All I know is that I have little left of my precious daughter. A tiny box with just a few little things that encompass her entire life (physically, that is). So this picture, it is one of the few things I have to prove that my daughter lived. I miss her...every single moment of every single day.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Day #6...a person you'd love to trade places with for a day...
gwyneth paltrow...for a few (okay a million) reasons. a few I have pics for:
she is married to a musician who is passionate and an amazing artist and who she clearly loves deeply...I long for a life partner
She has a daughter (something I have, but not with me and that totally sucks every single day of my life). And she had the guts to name her Apple because she thought it was just a nice-sounding name. And in this picture she is in a market in London with her daughter. That statement alone is just pure jealousy.
She has a son. His name is Moses. She clearly loves being a mom (I know this because I read her blog) and this picture was taken in Spain...(jealousy?).
My best friend in San Francisco, Kara, introduced me to a Gwyneth obsession (and seven thousand other amazing things) and also to her blog:
http://www.goop.com
In this blog she has lots of "sub topics"....be, make, go, get, do, etc. etc.
This quote was part of "Be"...the best part of her blog: she doesn't think she knows everything...she actually just finds people she knows (albeit amazingly famous and educated people) who talk on the subject of the blog. She just writes an eloquent letter at the top or reviews the place/food/clothes/shoes/book/etc.
I first learned about Cynthia Bourgeault almost two years ago when I started looking for scholars and thinkers to contribute to the BE section on GOOP. Her words have been a powerful inspiration ever since. In her new book, The Meaning of Mary Magdalene, through biblical research and analysis of several forgotten Gospels—including the Gospel of Mary Magdalene—she is able to show this often reviled character as another apostle and a companion of Jesus’. In their relationship, she posits the possibility of a true and mystical love and through it, forgiveness and salvation.
Love,
gp
And yet another quote that made love her even more because she reads dooce.com (which is an awesome, awesome blog thing my sister found for me)
Postpartum Depression
When my son, Moses, came into the world in 2006, I expected to have another period of euphoria following his birth, much the way I had when my daughter was born two years earlier. Instead I was confronted with one of the darkest and most painfully debilitating chapters of my life. For about five months I had, what I can see in hindsight as postnatal depression, and since that time, I have wanted to know more about it. Not only from a hormonal and scientific standpoint, and why so many of us experience it, but from the perspective of other women who have gone through it. Below is a description of the condition by Dr. Laura Schiller - a New York city based OB/GYN -, an indelibly beautiful piece by Bryce Dallas Howard chronicling her very personal experience, a connection to Heather B. Armstrong - a writer and blogger who continues to share her experience on dooce.com, and advice from psychologist and frequent GOOP contributor (and mother of two) Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes.
Love,
- gp
Something I want to do....if Gwyneth does it, though -- geez --- can I do it??
Tracy Anderson Metamorphosis
By now, I think you all know how amazing I think my trainer, partner and friend Tracy Anderson is, how she kicked my twice pregnant ass into shape, and keeps taking me to new levels. Tracy’s dream has always been to be able to make her ingenious customized-to-your-problem-areas program available to any woman who is up for the challenge—and now she has. See below! It’s pretty f’ing great 'cause it works!...
And, finally, Gwyneth is everything I want to be. She is an actress, a singer, a mother, a wife, and she's absolutely gorgeous.
she is married to a musician who is passionate and an amazing artist and who she clearly loves deeply...I long for a life partner
She has a daughter (something I have, but not with me and that totally sucks every single day of my life). And she had the guts to name her Apple because she thought it was just a nice-sounding name. And in this picture she is in a market in London with her daughter. That statement alone is just pure jealousy.
She has a son. His name is Moses. She clearly loves being a mom (I know this because I read her blog) and this picture was taken in Spain...(jealousy?).
My best friend in San Francisco, Kara, introduced me to a Gwyneth obsession (and seven thousand other amazing things) and also to her blog:
http://www.goop.com
In this blog she has lots of "sub topics"....be, make, go, get, do, etc. etc.
This quote was part of "Be"...the best part of her blog: she doesn't think she knows everything...she actually just finds people she knows (albeit amazingly famous and educated people) who talk on the subject of the blog. She just writes an eloquent letter at the top or reviews the place/food/clothes/shoes/book/etc.
I first learned about Cynthia Bourgeault almost two years ago when I started looking for scholars and thinkers to contribute to the BE section on GOOP. Her words have been a powerful inspiration ever since. In her new book, The Meaning of Mary Magdalene, through biblical research and analysis of several forgotten Gospels—including the Gospel of Mary Magdalene—she is able to show this often reviled character as another apostle and a companion of Jesus’. In their relationship, she posits the possibility of a true and mystical love and through it, forgiveness and salvation.
Love,
gp
And yet another quote that made love her even more because she reads dooce.com (which is an awesome, awesome blog thing my sister found for me)
Postpartum Depression
When my son, Moses, came into the world in 2006, I expected to have another period of euphoria following his birth, much the way I had when my daughter was born two years earlier. Instead I was confronted with one of the darkest and most painfully debilitating chapters of my life. For about five months I had, what I can see in hindsight as postnatal depression, and since that time, I have wanted to know more about it. Not only from a hormonal and scientific standpoint, and why so many of us experience it, but from the perspective of other women who have gone through it. Below is a description of the condition by Dr. Laura Schiller - a New York city based OB/GYN -, an indelibly beautiful piece by Bryce Dallas Howard chronicling her very personal experience, a connection to Heather B. Armstrong - a writer and blogger who continues to share her experience on dooce.com, and advice from psychologist and frequent GOOP contributor (and mother of two) Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes.
Love,
- gp
Something I want to do....if Gwyneth does it, though -- geez --- can I do it??
Tracy Anderson Metamorphosis
By now, I think you all know how amazing I think my trainer, partner and friend Tracy Anderson is, how she kicked my twice pregnant ass into shape, and keeps taking me to new levels. Tracy’s dream has always been to be able to make her ingenious customized-to-your-problem-areas program available to any woman who is up for the challenge—and now she has. See below! It’s pretty f’ing great 'cause it works!...
And, finally, Gwyneth is everything I want to be. She is an actress, a singer, a mother, a wife, and she's absolutely gorgeous.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
A Memory I Love...(Day 5)
It's too hard to pick a "favorite" memory. I can think of so many events or days or moments that have changed my life. I remember the minute I held my dead baby girl...it was unbelievable wonderful and awful at the same time. I remember when my sisters and I all got the same tattoos on the same day. I remember every time I've caught Brady and Katie holding hands and thought -- this is what life is -- I am so blessed. This was the first master's degree in my family...and it belongs to me... :)
This picture, though, was one of those moments that took my breath away, that made me so nervous I could barely breathe or stand in my ridiculously cute (but incredibly uncomfortable) high heels. I knew that my mom was proud of me, I knew my boys were seeing the reason why I was a basket case for two years and that hard work does pay off and I knew that my darling CoCo sis was truly celebrating with me as she has for every big moment in my life. I worked damn hard for that degree and I am very proud of that moment. That's all.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
My favorite TV show....(day 3)
So you're probably wondering how someone with an IQ higher than 65 could possible enjoy a show like Toddlers and Tiaras but this show is so incredibly fabulous,it is impossible not to watch. Have you ever (even though you are a mom) caught yourself staring at some poor mom deal with a screaming toddler in the grocery store thinking to yourself..."thank god that's not me?" This show is kind of like that only times a million.
Why did I pick a picture of one specific girl? Well, you just have to google Mackenzie in Toddlers and Tiaras to fully appreciate this child. She is Satan incarnate and yet incredibly adorable and precocious and (let's be real), simply a product of her insane environment. Plus, Mackenzie says things like..."NiNi (her pacifier) don't know the way home...." and "You people are driving me crazy!" and she's FOUR!
Then there's Arnold. Arnold is a collectible puppet (LIKE A HUGE PUPPET...MUPPET LIKE EVEN) and, get this, he's disabled so he has a wheelchair. And how does this have anything to do with child pageants you ask???? Well, because one of the contestants must bring Arnold to the pageants and Arnold cheers for her and helps her remember her routine and dances (EVEN THOUGH HIS LEGS DON'T WORK!!!) and sometimes he gets the routine WRONG! I don't know how after reading about Arnold, you could not think this show is priceless.
Half of the people on this show are certifiably insane and the other half are just so self-absorbed it's unbelievable. Either way, it's a blast to watch and it doesn't hurt that I (gulp) did a few pageants and made the mistake of telling my other half so now, randomly, he tells me to do "pretty feet" in stores or asks me to do the "pageant walk and turn."
Do you need a laugh? Wednesday night, Total Loser Channel (TLC). Be there.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The person I'm closest to....
Day Number Two....
I am hard-pressed to pick between my sisters so I'm picking both. Corinne Michele is like my soul in a different (taller) body. She keeps me on this earth. My Baby Britty is like my first child...and I'm sure she hates that (who needs two moms?). Despite the age differences between both of my sisters and I...they are how I survive. They are my family. I adore them. And I refuse to pick just one picture because they are BOTH photographers with gorgeous cameras...
Thursday, February 24, 2011
My Inspiration....for now....
30 Photos in 30 Days....
Inspired by my sister (and my need for constant, consistent motivation to write), I thought I would attempt this challenge....
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture that shows your true self.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of someone who has taught you many of things in life.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 22 - A picture that makes you sad.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of someone that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you’re afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30- A picture of someone you miss.
So without further ado.....Day #1
1. (This is scary, but true) I never wanted to be a mom.
2. My children (all 4 of them) have made me the "Melanie" everyone knows (and a better one, at that).
3. I am a food snob. If it was up to me every one of my meals would be cooked by a gourmet chef and the ingredients would be seasonal, organic, sustainable, and prepared perfectly...and there would be 4 courses with wine pairings.
4. I love sports (but only watching or (gasp!) coaching, and it's a good thing because my boys play all year long, three different sports.
5. I love criminal defense, but I don't really want to be an attorney. I like being a paralegal. I like assisting, it is an art.
6. I wish I could borrow my sister's high school teaching certificate.
7. I love singing karaoke and I love acting and on my darkest days I imagine running away to New York and living with roaches and rats and waiting tables, waiting for my big break on the big stage.
8. No matter how many times I said I wanted to be an only child, my sisters are my greatest gift.
9. I don't say this much, but I will say it now, I am so, so, so proud of my boys and how they have grown up so far. I think they are amazing human beings, despite me.
10. Becoming a single mom was incredibly difficult, challenging, crazy, nearly impossible (and still is depending on the day) but I am still here, my boys have a comfortable, stable home and I am doing it.
11. Besides my daughter dying, and giving birth to Brady and hoping he would live, watching my sister's daughter in the NICU was the scariest, most horrible time of my life. And yet, I know that she is so close to my heart for that very reason...maybe that's why she looks like me. ;)
12. I am a horrible housekeeper and organization is not my strong point (in the slightest).
13. I don't work out AT ALL...I don't even take the stairs. I am in horrible shape. I need to change this.
14. I love sleep. I mean REALLY love sleep. Like I could sleep 72 hours straight in a dark room.
15. More than anything I can imagine, I want to make a difference in this world. I mean a real impact. I want people to know exactly what they're going to say when I die. Every single day my biggest fear is that this will not happen.
Okay, I did day number one. Here's to that!!!
Inspired by my sister (and my need for constant, consistent motivation to write), I thought I would attempt this challenge....
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture that shows your true self.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of someone who has taught you many of things in life.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 22 - A picture that makes you sad.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of someone that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you’re afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30- A picture of someone you miss.
So without further ado.....Day #1
1. (This is scary, but true) I never wanted to be a mom.
2. My children (all 4 of them) have made me the "Melanie" everyone knows (and a better one, at that).
3. I am a food snob. If it was up to me every one of my meals would be cooked by a gourmet chef and the ingredients would be seasonal, organic, sustainable, and prepared perfectly...and there would be 4 courses with wine pairings.
4. I love sports (but only watching or (gasp!) coaching, and it's a good thing because my boys play all year long, three different sports.
5. I love criminal defense, but I don't really want to be an attorney. I like being a paralegal. I like assisting, it is an art.
6. I wish I could borrow my sister's high school teaching certificate.
7. I love singing karaoke and I love acting and on my darkest days I imagine running away to New York and living with roaches and rats and waiting tables, waiting for my big break on the big stage.
8. No matter how many times I said I wanted to be an only child, my sisters are my greatest gift.
9. I don't say this much, but I will say it now, I am so, so, so proud of my boys and how they have grown up so far. I think they are amazing human beings, despite me.
10. Becoming a single mom was incredibly difficult, challenging, crazy, nearly impossible (and still is depending on the day) but I am still here, my boys have a comfortable, stable home and I am doing it.
11. Besides my daughter dying, and giving birth to Brady and hoping he would live, watching my sister's daughter in the NICU was the scariest, most horrible time of my life. And yet, I know that she is so close to my heart for that very reason...maybe that's why she looks like me. ;)
12. I am a horrible housekeeper and organization is not my strong point (in the slightest).
13. I don't work out AT ALL...I don't even take the stairs. I am in horrible shape. I need to change this.
14. I love sleep. I mean REALLY love sleep. Like I could sleep 72 hours straight in a dark room.
15. More than anything I can imagine, I want to make a difference in this world. I mean a real impact. I want people to know exactly what they're going to say when I die. Every single day my biggest fear is that this will not happen.
Okay, I did day number one. Here's to that!!!
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